32 and Single

I came 2nd runner up at Area Level Humorous speech Toastmasters contest with following speech which I changed around 90% from the last humorous speech which was at club level. It was a great learning experience humorous speech is all about timing, expressions and how you deliver.

PS: Please note that whatever written is not 100% accurate as I added many things to make it humorous like age I’m not 32 yet etc, enjoy the speech.

Title : 32 and Single

“Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant, I’m getting just AWESOME”

Contest Chair, Fellow Toastmasters and Esteemed guest.

I was sitting in my office cubicle, peacefully working, when she came one of my colleagues came to me and asked “Rajesh, what’s the matter with you? All of a sudden you have turned all prim and proper… you come to office in formal wear. Are you trying to impress someone? The new girls, I think”. I said “No, there is no particular reason to wear formals, I was fed up wearing casuals so, I decided to shift to formals” then she said “No, this can’t be the reason, you are trying to hit on someone, who is it? just tell me?” I said “No I’m not trying to impress anyone, I’m wearing formals just like that…please trust me (and go away)” and She said “You are now 32 and you don’t have girlfriend, and still not trying to hit on anyone…… is everything okay….?” I shouted “No…….there is no problem” then she said are you sure? I said “are you sure…. Are you sure? What do you mean by are you sure…. what makes you think so…..I’m single by choice and if I ever get a chance then I will show my best manly performance”

Ever since I turned 32, it seems like whole world has turned after me to sell off my single bed and buy double bed. Consider this my dad travelled all the way from Nepal to Kolkata, just to check if everything is okay with me, after I turned down 15th marriage proposal sent by him. He said “Son, I’m coming to Kolkata” I said “you have got some work?” He said it’s been a while, I just want to spent time with you” (I want to spent time with you…..) I’m never 32 and he never talked like that, You know how Army man are like, rough and tough, no display of emotions are all. He came and He stayed 10 days with me, He checked my entire phone contact list, latest dialed history and received call history, messages everything, you can imagine how worried he is that I’m still single as all the sons and daughters of our family tree is now married and many of them have children who call me and says uncle-uncle when you come back to Nepal in this Puja holidays get me an Android phone with 5 mega pixel camera and 1 GB RAM.

Ever since I turned 32 It’s not just my parents, my relatives and my dear friends, but whole world has turned after me to rent 2BHK apartment, now days wherever I go I hear only 3 rhetorical questions – whether I’m travelling, shopping, eating food in restaurant, now days even our company clients has started asking same 3 rhetorical questions, which starts with – Are you married? I humbly reply NO, and then I get 2nd inevitable question “Do you have a girl friend?” I again humbly reply NO, then I get 3rd ….one word…. deadly question… any idea…..what that could be? Well the 3rd question is “WHY?” they want to know why I’m still single and don’t have any girlfriend. I generally don’t answer to that question and just give a broad SMILE.. like I’m very happy and I’m so glad that you reminded me about my situation that I’m getting old and soon if I don’t find any girl then it’ll be too late, I don’t reply to that 3rd question but sometimes I really-really want to reply that 3rd question, with all my heart, I want to say –

I don’t have girlfriend cause I want to

  1. Save time.
  2. Sleep well.
  3. Don’t want to bother about missed call.
  4. Don’t want to worry about how I look.
  5. I don’t want any SMS in middle of night.
  6. I don’t want to recharge my phone daily.
  7. And I am really happy being single.

But the fact is these are all excuses of my mind to fool my heart that “all is well… all is well… there is nothing wrong in being single, you are the man and you are a very happy man” but the problem is I can no longer fool my heart, as I can now clearly see my grey hairs.. no matter how often I pluck them, they just grow up quickly, when I Pluck one grey hair, 3 of them replace it, so I thought I better not to touch them; I can no longer fool my heart as I can clearly see my receding hair lines, now I can’t even cover them with long hairs as when I keep long hair they starts falling, I have this short hair style not by choice but by compulsion.

The situation is very much similar to the story of my search of girl for getting married as after turning down 15h marriage proposal I realized that I’m single not by choice but because I don’t have any choice as all the eligible girls in Nepal gets married by the age of 23 or max by 25, and those who are left and still single, are the one who makes you feel that you better stay single no matter you are 32 or 35 and keep saying all is well… all is well.. you are the man.

I’m Single by Choice, not by Compulsion

Last Tuesday I contested for ‘Toastmasters Humorous Speech Contest‘ (Club level) please check my speech, I came 1st runner up and I’m competing for area level too, if you can give some input to improve it would be great as it is very raw and has many scope of improvement, I sent it to many veteran Toastmasters for mentoring but they are all very busy –

Speech Title : “I’m Single by Choice, not by compulsion”

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I Love You !

Please check my Toastmasters Project 6 speech, Title ‘I Love You’ –

I was in 3rd class, it was a beautiful bright sunny day, my usual normal school day, everything was going just as it used to be, all those long boring classes after classes then in our surprise we got a good news that our next subject teacher was not taking our class, Very next moment we found our self on seventh sky, we all started shouting, hooting and chattering but our class prefect was very strict she said “If any of you make any noise I’ll give your names to our class teacher and you know what will happen then”, suddenly we all got terrified with the thought of facing that terror lady (our Class teacher) and then we decided to settle down and started whispering in ear,  In next 5 minutes all got busy with their some creative works; some were making paper planes, some were drawing on their desk and many other works. Then to my wonder I found a guy sitting next to my seat was drawing flowers on arm of a girl sitting next to him. I felt urge of sharing that incidence with my 3 best friends then immediately I got up and went to their seats and in mischievous tone I whispered in their ear; “Look.. Look.. What they are doing ;-)”. Continue reading

My Dream Job

Please check my Project 5 Speech at Toastmasters. Title “My Dream Job”

“Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same. ”

When I was 3 years old I saw my 1st movie it had such a great impression on me that I decided what I wanted to be in my life and I wanted to be a ‘HERO’ and my idol was Mithun Chakroborty and I wanted to dance like him, I wanted to fight like him, I wanted to kick like him, I’m not sure but I must have thought if I become hero then I’ll be very happy.

As I grew older I found I can’t even impress girl next door and fight guy next door to her, forget becoming a Hero, I got disappointed then I came to know about a term ‘ASTRONAUT’, now I wanted to be an Astronaut, I wanted to get into my Rocket and travel through space, I wanted to go to Moon and I wanted to reach out for the stars. Every night during load shedding I used to gaze at sky and see amazing stars, constellations and bright Moon, I used to think one day I’ll be there and I’ll be very happy.
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Three Two One, I Jumped and I was… FREE

Bungee Jumping

Please find my fourth Speech project at Toastmasters which is about my triumph over fear of height. Enjoy ;-)

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” 
~ Nelson Mandela

We are all afraid of something in our life; some are afraid of losing their relationship, some are afraid of getting into new relationship, some are afraid of dying and some are afraid of living, some are afraid of failing in examination and some are afraid of getting lesser than 90%. Some are afraid of getting chance in life and some are afraid of not getting chance in life. Some are afraid that they are getting fat and some are afraid that they are getting thin. Continue reading

The ‘NO’ Bacteria!

My Toastmasters Project 3 Speech : ‘The No Bacteria’ (My Story of how I got into Comfort Zone and How I Get out… technically It doesn’t speak much about Getting Out of ‘Comfort Zone’ as speech was getting too long for 7 minutes time limit but still there are lots of take aways ;-) )

“Nobody ever died of discomfort, yet living in the name of comfort has killed more ideas, more opportunities, more actions, and more growth than everything else combined. Comfort kills!”

How many of you like to live routine life, waking up at  5 AM, Jogging, Yoga, Pranayama, Kryia, Meditation, Getting ready for office, office hours, coming home, watch Supernatural show, Dinner, Reading books and Sleep (That’s my Usual routine). Doing same thing again and again?

Well, I simply hate to follow same routine, I hate monotonous life, I hate to eat same thing again and again except Maggie masala which is lifeline of every single breathing bachelor in India, In short I hate doing same thing again and again. That is why I keep changing my routine, keep doing new things, keep challenging myself, When I get bored with my food, when my taste buds stops responding to whatever I eat then I go for fasting 24×3 days which helps me to regain my taste senses and enjoy my food again. Continue reading

Power of Thank You

My Toastmaster Speech – Project 2

“Whoever Has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.”

I know it sounds pretty unfair that whoever already has will be given more and who don’t will be taken from him, it’s like “Rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer” and this passage is from an ancient holy scripture. But there is a catch, a riddle to be solved , and when you know it a new world will opened up for you. And the catch or riddle is one single word “Gratitude”. Continue reading