Last Tuesday I contested for ‘Toastmasters Humorous Speech Contest‘ (Club level) please check my speech, I came 1st runner up and I’m competing for area level too, if you can give some input to improve it would be great as it is very raw and has many scope of improvement, I sent it to many veteran Toastmasters for mentoring but they are all very busy -
Speech Title : “I’m Single by Choice, not by compulsion”
I was sitting in my office cubicle, peacefully working, when one of my colleagues came to me and asked “Rajesh, what’s the matter with you? All of a sudden you have turned all prim and proper… you come to office in formal wear. Are you trying to impress someone? The new girls, I think”.
I said “No, there is no particular reason to wear formals, I was fed up wearing casuals so, I decided to shift to formals” then she said “No, this can’t be the reason, you are trying to hit on someone, who is it? just tell me?” I said “No I’m not trying to impress anyone, I’m single and I like the way it is” and she said “Can I ask you a personal question?” I said “Sure” She said “You are now 30 and you never had any girlfriend in your whole life, and still not trying to hit on anyone…… Are you…….?” I shouted “No…….…. what makes you think so…..I’m single by choice not by compulsion and if I ever get a chance then I will show my best manly performance”
I’m not sure what’s wrong with this facebook generation, nowadays why is it so important to have a girlfriend (or many girlfriends); but I’m from late 90s when in schools only majnus types had girlfriends.
But now in the facebook era if you are not in a relationship then everybody questions you why are you single and directly or indirectly doubts your sexual orientation. Nowadays having a girlfriend indicates that you are smart, intelligent, confident, socially and financially sound, successful and doing really great in your life. Whereas in late 90s if you had a girlfriend, then the whole school and whole neighbor used to talk about you – “Oh you have a girlfriend, you are not serious about your career, you have no character, you don’t care about the Indian culture (so called BhartiyaSanskriti) etc etc” and If your parents comes to know that you have a girl friend then you are gone, they will change your school, neighborhood etc but today if parents comes to know that his boy has a girlfriend then they are happy that he is having coffee with a girl not with some Karan.
Let’s come back to the present time, roaming the shopping mall with an arm around your girlfriend’s waist is cool but in those days wandering in streets with a girlfriend was matter of big tension.
And the fact is I tried to go through this tension and even tried to hit on a few girls. But problem with me is that I have been single for such a long time and socially isolated from the beautiful creature from Venus that I have lost all my girls-interaction brain cells and whenever I muster courage and try to interact with them my mind goes completely blank.
All I do is stare at her with my blank eyes hoping that she will say something and break the dead silence, then I realize she might find it awkward that I’m staring at her with googly eyes and an open mouth. Then I close my mouth and try to look at the walls & windows, then I feel I’m looking even more stupid as she might think I’m trying to avoid her, then again I look at her, smile at her and she smiles back.
Then I try to find words to start some healthy conversation which might help me ask her “Will you drink a cup of coffee with me?” But you know my brain stops working in front of girls, then again I realize I’m staring at her and then instead of looking at walls and windows I look down and then the biggest disaster happens. I look down and she puts her hands on her chest, I feel like heyy… No.. I’m not looking at…. I’m not just sure where to look at. And she never turns up again, all girls wants to hang around with fun loving guy none of them wants to get involved in a deadlock conversation with a staring pervert.
Apart from my incapability of interaction with girls another reason for being still single and awesome, is all the pretty girls in this big world are already in a relationship or into something that they say it’s complicated. So, the problem is – it’s very hard to find anyone to hit on.
And that is why when someone questions me why you are still single…I proudly reply “I’m Single by Choice, not by compulsion”